Sound Me Out

My childhood was lonely, my mother thought I was deaf, but after a hearing test with the doctor at the age of 3, it was discovered my hearing was fine. The doctor diagnosed her with having post natal depression and due to this she was not communicating with me. Not having any verbal interaction from such a young age influenced my learning and for some time during my childhood my brother would translate my baby language to English. Of course this affected my development but also inspired a deep awareness of myself and how I witnessed the outside world.

My exploration with sound began around the age of 5 years. I would experiment with almost everything within the home, including my own body discovering what sounds I could create. It was here I began to find my passion for percussion. Later at the age of 10, I visited South Africa with my brother and mother as she was born there. I dearly loved my grandmother and she arranged for us to see ‘Ipi Tombi’, a musical show based on the miners working in the goldmines. It was primarily full of songs and dances with Zulus playing their drums, for me as a 10 year old this was magical.

My uncle later sent me a drum from South Africa and this became my love, my life, my everything. I knew I was naturally gifted with rhythm as throughout my entire childhood I would always rock forwards and backwards receptively. To some this may have been early signs of trauma, even autism but to me this receptive movement was the birthing of my internal awareness to the rhythms of life.

The loneliness continued as I felt misunderstood but my connection with the drum I received from South Africa became my voice to express my feelings. I played often with my eyes closed as I intuitively knew I wanted to sense with my hands rather than just see through my eyes. This practice of playing became the foundation of my work today and eventually inspired me to understand more about my connection with shamanism.

As a teenager I played in many bands, trusting my intuitive understanding of drums I transformed my pain and loneliness into rhythms that brought me closer to myself. I explored anger, tears, sensitivity, loudness and softness and recognised the sacred balance between silence and sound. Music has such a powerful presence within communication and my intuitive years of personal practice amplified my understanding of this unique language.

In my early twenties, I began learning about shamanism and my feelings of loneliness began to disappear. I soulfully recognised that I had such a natural connection with this technique, feeling I had come home to myself and this was my path in life. I attended numerous trainings seeking out the best teachers and this learning continued into my forties. What was once painful in my life became a presence of empathy providing deep understanding for others and their challenges in life.

I have so much gratitude for all the experiences in my life, especially my mother for taking me to South Africa. It is so easy to blame someone else for our pain, but the true gift is to evolve and grow. It is here I deeply give thanks to the drum as it has taught me everything I know. But more importantly I thank myself, for I learned to listen to everything it shared and it is here I understood the power of presence between silence and sound.